Wild Ride

My friend, Traci, says adoption is like a roller coaster, you have to "remain seated, keeping your hands, arms, and legs inside the train until it comes to a complete stop." Some days, I'm ready for the ride to be over. But the ride won't be over until it takes us to Eastern Europe.

Yesterday was a really difficult day. I won't go into specifics, because they really don't matter, but I was totally discouraged. Because I was discouraged, my attitude was horrible. Because my attitude needed adjusting, I didn't act right.

Early this morning, I was wallowing in despair praying before I even got out of the bed, when The Daddy Guy came in the room. He and The Big Guy had gotten up at 5:00 to go to the gym and had just gotten home. I wasn't ready to talk yet, and still needed an attitude adjustment. I heard him say something about our dossier being passed along to court, and I totally snapped his head off. I didn't want to hear optimistic talk about our dossier going to court soon. I wanted it there NOW! He laughed and asked if I had heard him. He said that we had gotten an e-mail that our dossier had been passed to court! Bleary-eyed, I grabbed my glasses and followed him downstairs to see for myself.

Through the course of the day, I was reminded that while I was still despairing, God had already handled the details. While I was begging, pleading for Him to move, He had already moved and I was unaware.

I was totally humbled. Yesterday, while I was trying to flex my muscles and exert my will, God had already taken on our struggles. I was using my love for our son as a reason for a poor attitude. My worry for his circumstances had become larger than life. Not only did God already have the details taken care of, but He loves Baby O even more than we do. He is well aware of Baby O's circumstances, and He is using those circumstances to build O's story rather than allowing them to define O's life.

Tonight, the ups and downs of the past few days have left me spent and exhausted. If I had only rested in Him, perhaps I would have enjoyed the ride a little more.